Nov. 21, 2010 - the date of my last entry. PATHETIC. So I'm starting anew.
This is my first entry of 2011. So, to everyone bored enough to read this HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's going to be a great year. Or at least I hope so.
I hope this will be my year. Every year, I always ask why me? How is it that life turned out this way and I realized it's because I made a really stupid decision when I was 16 years old. I told myself that I was destined to be an architect. I'm not sure how I came up with this idea to be quite honest with you. All I know is I set my mind to it and told my parents. Should I have realized that I would come to despise and loathe this decision? No. I was too naive and way too fucking stupid and quite stubborn. But I digress.
I informed my parents of this decision and decided to enroll at a private college. Small, close to my house and directly focusing on my major my first year out. After getting a tour of this so-called magical place, I decided to attend. WORST. DECISION. EVER. My father paid the non-refundable deposit and off I went, moving into housing. At registration that fateful semester, a faculty advisor noticed I took many AP courses in science and math (again WORST. DECISION. EVER. Honestly, I still wonder to this day if I huffed paint as a kid or something. but I digress) and if I would be interested in double majoring in architecture and civil engineering. Yes, lets add to this misery. Again, being the stupid kid I was (although a two years older at the time), I said yes.
The years went by. I joined a sorority (some of the smartest, kindest and most wonderful people on earth. But I digress), became involved in architecture and civil engineering organizations, the honors program and several others. But I was unhappy and still am because I came to realize by my sophomore/junior year that I was doing something I didn't like and I was in a school where the majors were confining and quite rigid. I couldn't change my majors b/c I was too far in. I wish I had done that now. I wish I had at least dropped one of them and just finished like I was supposed to and just done well in it and hell just been happy. But now I'm up to my ass in debt and all I want to do is finish no matter what. Most people say they have no regrets, well maybe one or two at most. I have hundreds and this is the biggest one of them all. Although I really don't care for what I'm in school for, I love the people I go to school with . I think that's the only thing that's truly kept me here all these years.
So now that a new year has begun, I have resolved to take on a new attitude with my life and to find something in these godforsaken career fields interesting which I actually think I have. In high school, I came to love psychology and am thinking about pursuing it within urban planning, a field in architecture I actually came to somewhat enjoy, despite the pretentious douche bag that taught me about it. This way, hopefully, I'll enjoy what I do. Maybe it will put a smile on my face the way beer usually does. Maybe I'll try to fit engineering in there somewhere but at this point, I'm really not sure. On top of wasting time, I truly regret wasting money and taking gross advantage of my parents. I feel like I've failed them and failed myself. But I'm hoping that will change this year.
My major goal for the year is to figure out what the fuck I'm going to do with this crazy thing called life. Along the way, I hope to develop a stronger work ethic, a passion for what I'm going to do, find an internship, get in shape, do well in school and become more financially responsible. Some of these may seem random and will take time and hard work but if I don't accomplish all of these, I will never succeed. And as I once heard my wise cousin say, "you measure your own success", which I fully intend to do. This is part of the reason I decided to write this in a blog. Maybe if it's in writing, I'll take it more seriously and make the drastic change for the better like I've made empty promises about before. I really hope it's true. Hopefully, Seize life my the balls, carpe diem, a kuna matata!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I raise my glass to everyone bored enough to read this. I'm going to make 2011 my bitch, even if it kills me. WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS. I know this was dramatic and all so next time, I'll try to make my entries more fun like the last ones. Promise :)
