Being more active: getting your head back in that game

So I've been noticing for sometime that everyone my age (21-25) is getting married like they're about to die soon. And some are popping out rugrats even faster!! I don't get it. I'm just mystified. I'm not even close to achieving any of that any time soon. I'm just all about the fun. But I do have some goals I'd like to achieve within the next ten years in the following order:

1. GET EXPERIENCE IN MY FIELD!! - I NEED THIS BADLY. ARCHITECTURE. SPEC WRITING. CAD MONKEY. JUST ANYTHING. PLEASE HIRE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. GRADUATE FROM LTU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - I NEED TO LEAVE THIS GODFORSAKEN PLACE AT SOME POINT IN MY LIFE AND IT HAPPENS IN MAY 2012. :) :)
3. Go to Grad School. - I would like to get a master's degree in Urban Planning preferable from Wayne State. I feel like a university in an urban setting would be just the ticked.
4. Become a certified urban planner. - If I go to grad school, I have to work in the field for 2 years and then can take the exam to become certified.
5. PLAN MY OWN CITY!! - Planning for Vibha Heights is starting to get off the ground. I've decided to assume to post of mayor. I will hire a gay posse to watch over my interns who I will yell at constantly as they figure out public policy for the city. All the houses will be shaped like beer bottles which will be recyclable for sustainable purposes.

So those are my goals. They seem much more achievable then say wanting to marry Ryan Reynolds and having his cocoa brown babies one day so hopefully you'll take up membership in Vibha Heights one day :).

Adult size decisions: Why the course less traveled is the hardest path to choose

I've never considered myself an adult. Even when I turned 18. Sure you can buy porn and cigs but does that really make you an adult? Really? Seeing naked people in magazines and taking a drag doesn't constitute being an adult in my opinion. The one thing I think would truly make you an adult is making an adult size decision. Much like the one I made this week.

I've been studying architecture and civil engineering for the better part of five years now. After meeting with my advisor, however, I came to an important conclusion: I have absolutely no desire to ever become a civil engineer. EVER. I do not like soil. I don't really have a desire to become a structural engineer in order to figure out how exactly a building is put together. I've been lying to everyone (including myself) about what I truly want to do in life. And I'm sick of it. I've been told many times by many professors, "If you hate what you're doing, don't do it anymore. Do something you're passionate about". This is exactly what I'm going to do.

I"m going to finish all the classes I need for my architecture degree and then GRADUATE IN MAY OF 2012. Afterwards, I'm going to work and hopefully go to grad school to study urban planning, my real passion. My only regret about this decision is that I did not make it earlier. If I had made this decision two years ago, I could've graduated in December 2010 but hey shit happens. I'm very glad my parents are behind my decision. I"m glad I can finally start being honest with myself about what I want out of my education and career. I'm worried about not finding a job especially because I have thousands to pay off in student loans. I'm not sure how life's going to turn out, but I"m hoping this decision will make it great :).

Adult decisions are always hard to make. Being honest with yourself about what you want is truly the one thing that will help to motivate you in any future endeavors.

There's no business like show business

And so starts another month. Well it's day #4 of the new month but it's a new month nevertheless. I did some exciting stuff to start of April 2011: I MADE MY THEATRICAL DEBUT!!!

That's right. I have acting chops. I'm fantastic. I was in my university's production of An Adult Evening of Shel Silverstein. They are a series of one act plays performed by 2-3 people. I was in three of them: "Bus Stop", "Best Daddy" and "Thinking Up a New Name for the Act" (a.k.a "Meat and Potatoes"). I played men in all three due to my manly electricity, dogged tenacity and general awesomeness.

The best part was that my parents came to see this. I couldn't believe it! The first play I'm in I play a drunk in the scene and yell about boobs and get beat up by a woman yelling out obscene names for the dick (creamer, rammer, wanker, etc.). Despite all this, THEY LOVED IT!! They came out of the theater beaming telling me what a great actor I am. I couldn't believe it!! My dad even went up to my sorority sister who played a hooker asking her intriguingly: "Two for one?!?!". It sounds gross but my dad is just weird like that. My mom also congratulated my other sorority sister whom I acted with. I played the best dad in the world and she played my bratty 13-year-old daughter. My mom shook her hand. It was like Obama was with us.

I loved every second of it. I got nervous and wanted to throw up before each performance but I kept going, despite the fact that my wig fell off twice. Oh well. I had fun with the most awesome cast. We laughed, we cried but mainly because we were laughing so much. I hope I get the chance to do it again someday.

Oral surgery - updates on the wisdom recovery front

So as I've been complaining about in the last couple weeks, I got my wisdom teeth taken out. I was in excruciating pain (meh not really) and couldn't eat anything but jello, yogurt, pudding and ice-cream. A five year olds dream diet? Yes. A 22-year-old's sudden regression into diapers? I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO! The meds did nothing. At most, they numbed the pain but alcohol does that so much better so I'm quite upset with pharmaceuticals at the moment. But I digress.

The actual recovery is getting better. I'm now able to eat bagels and candy. A HUGE step up from pudding (although I did start eating chocolate and vanilla swirled pudding which is HOLYFREAKINGCRAPFANTASTIC). I also happen to drink beer which brings us to a little segment I like to call: LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!!

I went to the St. Paddy's day party hosted by one of the fraternities with my awesome sorority sister Jeb (actual name not disclosed to protect the total ballerificness of the person mentioned). We were looking hot (well hotter than usual) and were ready to dance our asses off to the trastacularness of Ke$ha and her glitter. After buying a six-pack of Labatt Blue Light (6 16oz. cans for $8 - WHAT A DEAL), we went off to go have the time of our lives. Now, Jeb and I have had some adventures over the past couple semesters. We've partied hard and made others jealous as shit cause we're so fucking awesome we make it rain up in this bitch!!! But this time didn't end so well...

We arrive at the party and crack open a cold one to get things started. After mingling and smoking some hooka (which was weak btw and not as good as a certain other sorority sister's whose name I also shall not disclose), we got the itch to dance. Yeah there was beer pong and this raffle but the music was lame even with a new DJ and all we wanted to do was BUST A MOVE!! About an hour, two creepers, bathroom breaks and two beers later, we finally got our fine asses on the floor and showed these newbies/underagers what partying was all about.

Unfortunately, it was one of the underagers that brought the quality of the party down so low it was like watching Charlie Sheen attempt to act like a human being. Apparently someone got punched in the face and the cops were called. Normally, the fraternity is on good repore with the cops but this time a rookie came and busted the party...AT 12:45 AM!!! WTF!?!?!?! The cops have come so many times to this place but this is the first time in 5 fucking years that I've actually had to leave. I was disgusted, mad and actually kind of proud. I mean yes it took five years but it was about time I got kicked out of a party. It sucks that it happened just as the party was getting good but at least I got kicked out of a party and not the bar like last time. WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As you can tell, I'm recovering nicely. I have an appointment with the oral surgeon next Monday to really make sure I'm doing well and my stitches have dissolved and I didn't make anything bleed. Then I can go back to eating the food I usually do although I will actually miss chocolate and vanilla pudding. They reminded me of my childhood. Oh well, life goes on I guess. If I complain anymore, ignore me cause I'm going to do it a lot. Who knows, maybe I'm actually getting wiser wanting to eat healthy and solid foods...

*A little spoiler for my next entry:

Are you sick of Glen Beck telling you God is going to strike you dead b/c Japan was hit by an earthquake/tsunami? Well, get the REAL reason for the natural disasters. COMING SOON...

Oral Surgery = no more wisdom

I got my wisdom teeth taken out over the weekend. Over my last weekend of spring break I braved the oral surgeon (Jewish mind you with a Jew fro that pails in comparison to Jerry Seinfeld. Why are they always Jewish? What is it about Jews and teeth? Too many viewings of Schindler's List? I digress.), got hopped up on anesthesia and let him yank out all four of my wisdom teeth. Now, I have no more wisdom. Why you ask? I shall tell the tale of my stupidity...

Having your wisdom teeth taken out, while painful, does come with perks. You get to be on Vicodin and coast through life which is fucking AWESOME. Although, they didn't give me Vicodin they have me codeine. Codeine did nothing for me last night. I fell asleep of my own accord and I didn't even sleep well. Ugh codeine is just code for lameness. Anyway, I'm on a strict diet of mushy non-solid food which include Jell-o, chocolate & vanilla pudding, ice-cream and mashed potatoes Indian style (my wonderful mother mixed it with gravy and butter...yummm). Even so, you tend to develop a fondness for solid food. I miss sandwiches and bagels with their cream cheese filling. I can only open my mouth just enough to eat the Jello or pudding. Eating like an 80-year-old with dentures gets old quickly. And I mean VERY quickly. Just today my sorority sister was eating Jimmy Johns and I wanted to tackle her like a lion and scarf down the whole gourmet sandwich within two bites. But sadly, I could not. Sad motherfucking panda :(

I miss laughing. There is so much humor around me all the damn time and all I can do is weakly smile like the creepy loser in the corner of a night club who no one asks to dance.

And now ladies and gentlemen we come to wisdom lacking part of the story. During my recovery, I must take antibiotics in order to help with the healing and making sure the stitches don't come undone before they're supposed to dissolve. That makes sense. But what doesn't make sense is my timing: I GOT MY FUCKING WISDOM TEETH OUT ONE MOTHERFUCKING WEEK BEFORE ST. PATRICK'S DAY. St. Patrick's day is on a Thursday this year and I am going to be missing out on the festivities. Why? Cause I'm on fucking meds. DAMN IT!! There's a party right after and all I"m going to be doing is being the DD, which I don't mind cause I"m going to be partying with my sister who's awesome. BUT STILL!!!!

To top it all off, I look like a chipmunk. A LITERAL CHIPMUNK!! I'm brown with puffy cheeks and  black hair and large eyes. All I have to do now is climb up trees and get some fucking nuts. MY LIFE IS SO OVER AT LEAST FOR THE TIME BEING.

Spring Break: Now & Later (not the candy)

Oh Spring Break. When I was a kid, it meant playing outside, seeing friends and having a grand ole time. Now, it means catching up on hw, projects and unfinished matters of life. OR, like last year, it means GOING ON AN AWESOME CRUISE WITH AWESOME BROWNIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last year, I went on a cruise with my brown friends to the enchanted and tropical Cozumel, Mexico. It was a fantastic time. We starting planning the trip the previous summer. After putting down part of the deposit, choosing shore excursions, buying plane tickets to Miami where the cruise actually leaves from and cashing in my refund check from school to pay for personal expenses on the cruise itself I WAS ALL SET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unfortunately, the spring break itself did not start out jolly. I had a midterm the Wednesday before spring break started and my prof told us the project we had put off all semester was going to be due the first Sunday of spring break...LAME!!!! So after not sleeping for 2 days, combined with shopping with my cousin for bathing suits and cute clothes, I finished my project and and rushed off to pack and sleep for all of two hours before getting up at the ass crack of dawn to leave for the air port.

All of us landed safe and sound in Miami. After baggage claim, all of us boarded the bus to go to the port where the cruise would be taking off from. We went through security checks and took tons of "hey-look-at-our-once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity-trip-as-broke-ass-college-students" pictures, we finally boarded the ship!!

For some reason, the customs people on the boat decided to confiscate my suitcase. All three of them found their suitcases just fine but mine was like the Where's Waldo? of luggage. I later came to find out the boat people do not allow electronics on board so they confiscated 2 of my power strips and I could get them back only when the cruise ended. Damn Homeland Security thinking I was going to plug in my bomb on the boat and blow everyone up!! Oh well, so no one could charge their cameras and cell phones simultaneously. Whateves.

Despite random setbacks, our jolly journey continued. We snorkeled, rode on a dune buggy, laid out on the beach, went to fancy dinners and of course got drunk (the most important part). I wore a bikini for the very first time and have never felt so exposed in my life. Well, I was born naked but much like a Playboy bunny I was too young to care.

Exactly one year later, I am sitting in the office I work at at school looking out at the oh so bleak Michigan weather wondering why the sun isn't shining. But then I remember: it's Michigan. Oh well at least I have great memories to cherish with great friends. That's all that matters, despite the fact that my camera broke after it got infected with sand. Hopefully, we can have a reunion sometime in the summer and get drunk and reminisce :)

woe is me :(

Ugh even the title of this post makes me depressed.

I"m sorry Stella is still in the works  but I really just need a self-loathing post and here it is. If you don't want to be depressed don't read it. I don't want to bring anyone else down.

I'm having one of those days where I am seriously questioning all the decisions I've made in my life that have led me to this point. I hate feeling like this. I hate constantly thinking to myself "What if?". I regret so many things in my life it's astounding. I think back to my 16 year old self where my path to destruction first took place and I'm disgusted. How was I so stupid and single-minded in thought?

Although I'll never regret meeting the people I now call friends and family, I will always regret the decision I made to get me to this point. I hate myself for it and often imagine different ways life could've turned out. It's sad and pathetic but oh so true. I sincerely wish I could go back in time and change it all. One decision could've made everything different.

Like I said I hate feeling like this. But I know I must stop living in the past and wondering about the "shoulda-woulda-coulda". I have to forge on and live my life and make it better. I'm not sure how but I do know it's going to be a long and painful road. But it needs to be done. Otherwise, life is going to be a lot more difficult when I get older.

Are you there books? It's me, one of your very few loyal followers and users.

Stella Kumar is still in the works so for today, I believe I'm going to rant.

I've loved books ever since I was a kid. I used to devour them. I read everything from the baby-sitters club to Harlequin romance novels stolen from my aunt. I LOVED IT. Much of the time, books were my escape. Every time I would get upset or angry about anything, I would read. It helped me calm down and put life into perspective. It also helped me escape. Flipping through the pages of someone's else's story and getting lost in their world is one of my greatest joys. Unfortunately, with the onset of school, homework and life in general, I haven't read for pleasure in quite a while. I know what you're thinking: this is just an excuse. It's true, there are many times when I chose to watch HIMYM when I just as easily could've picked up a book and read. But I haven't. It does however mean that I will never stop enjoying books.*

*DISCLAIMER: I don't enjoy all books. A good example is a textbook. They cost a lot, weight a lot and in general annoy me. Although some are useful, I can't usually sell them back and if I can sell them back, I get less than a third of what I paid for. LAME.

The onset of this rant comes from finding out that the Borders near my house is closing. It devastated me. I loved going there, browsing for books for hours on end. Fiction, non-fiction, architecture, trashy magazines, etc. were all amazing to me. This wasn't enough, however, to keep the store open. With online book sales and devices such as the Kindle trumping in-store book sales, Borders didn't stand a chance. This makes me oh so sad. I know it's been official for many years now but TECHNOLOGY IS TAKING OVER THE WORLD.

I would be a hypocrite to say I'm completely opposed to technological advances to the world. I use my cell phone as a five in one device, using it as my alarm clock, notepad, calculator, place to check email etc. There are many times I want to find out a fact about something and the first thing that comes to mind: GOOGLE IT. But I draw the line at the Kindle/eReader/Nook/iPad. I HATE THEM. They're making my precious books seem obsolete. I understand the appeal. You can fit 100+ books in one single device for the low low cost of $139 and a month long battery life. I get it. But is reading still personal then? I love curling up in my bed or the couch with a book in my hand, getting lost in the story. I love feeling the weight of the book, the grainy texture of the pages and the smell. Oh the smell. True, some smell like old man feet but those are the old books about boring topics like the triassic period. It's all of these elements that make me get lost in the story and escape into another world, much like in Narnia when they go through the wardrobe.

The dependence on technology these days is astonishing. I still can't believe it's gotten to this level. It is strange it took something like this to realize how much technology has taken over our lives. I belong to Facebook where I can find out almost everything about them on a day to day basis to the point where I'm a pretty big creeper and I'm astonished by e-publishing? Yeah, it's pretty pathetic. I guess it hits people differently.

I always wonder now what level we will get to with the many advances in technology these days. Will the world be taken over by machines one day? Will we become machines one day? What will the world be like when the Chinese twins I adopt will be 18? Will we ever find out exactly how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop? So many questions and unlimited possibilities all thanks to technology. We see the light yet there will always be darkness...

Stella Kumar: A Star is Born

I'm such a failure at this blog but I decided with only 39 minutes left at work I should do something at least semi-productive. So here goes:

I've been working on a story idea for a while now. To everyone reading the 5 or 6 entries I've written, you've come to guess by now that I'm SUPER interesting and what not so I've decided to document my life. But I've decided to do this through a fictional character. Her name is Stella Kumar. She is a south Indian girl living in America for the better part of twenty years. She's weird, awkward and a really big nerd. Stella knows random things about life that doesn't matter and never will matter. She is fascinated by people.

Much like myself, Stella is an ABCD: American Born Confused Desi. She is Indian but doesn't fit right in with Indians. She was born and raised in America but cannot consider herself completely American. Stella is right in the middle. She finds herself apologizing for each culture but can't seem to fully consider herself one or the other. Stella is a coconut: white on the inside and brown on the outside. The story would center around the people and places in Stella's life, along with her incredibly awkward commentary on life's goings on.

Why the name Stella Kumar? Well, I always loved the name Stella. It's beautiful. I first discovered it as a beer, Stella Artois. DELICIOUS. I always wanted to name my dog (IF I ever get a dog - black lab for anyone who's interested)  Stella. The last name Kumar is Indian of course. I read on Wikipedia (an amazing source of information by the way) that many Indian actors and actresses use different last names for themselves due to the fact that they're own last names are so long and unpronounceable. Therefore, names like Kumar and Kapoor are easy substitutes. IT WAS PERFECT. It was also how Stella Kumar came to exist. She has the best of both worlds but cannot attach herself completely to one. What's a girl supposed to do? Well, read my upcoming posts to find out...

New year, fresh start, great beginning :)

Nov. 21, 2010 - the date of my last entry. PATHETIC. So I'm starting anew.

This is my first entry of 2011. So, to everyone bored enough to read this HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's going to be a great year. Or at least I hope so.

I hope this will be my year. Every year, I always ask why me? How is it that life turned out this way and I realized it's because I made a really stupid decision when I was 16 years old. I told myself that I was destined to be an architect. I'm not sure how I came up with this idea to be quite honest with you. All I know is I set my mind to it and told my parents. Should I have realized that I would come to despise and loathe this decision? No. I was too naive and way too fucking stupid and quite stubborn. But I digress.

I informed my parents of this decision and decided to enroll at a private college. Small, close to my house and directly focusing on my major my first year out. After getting a tour of this so-called magical place, I decided to attend. WORST. DECISION. EVER. My father paid the non-refundable deposit and off I went, moving into housing. At registration that fateful semester, a faculty advisor noticed I took many AP courses in science and math (again WORST. DECISION. EVER. Honestly, I still wonder to this day if I huffed paint as a kid or something. but I digress) and if I would be interested in double majoring in architecture and civil engineering. Yes, lets add to this misery. Again, being the stupid kid I was (although a two years older at the time), I said yes.

The years went by. I joined a sorority (some of the smartest, kindest and most wonderful people on earth. But I digress), became involved in architecture and civil engineering organizations, the honors program and several others. But I was unhappy and still am because I came to realize by my sophomore/junior year that I was doing something I didn't like and I was in a school where the majors were confining and quite rigid. I couldn't change my majors b/c I was too far in. I wish I had done that now. I wish I had at least dropped one of them and just finished like I was supposed to and just done well in it and hell just been happy. But now I'm up to my ass in debt and all I want to do is finish no matter what. Most people say they have no regrets, well maybe one or two at most. I have hundreds and this is the biggest one of them all. Although I really don't care for what I'm in school for, I love the people I go to school with . I think that's the only thing that's truly kept me here all these years.

So now that a new year has begun, I have resolved to take on a new attitude with my life and to find something in these godforsaken career fields interesting which I actually think I have. In high school, I came to love psychology and am thinking about pursuing it within urban planning, a field in architecture I actually came to somewhat enjoy, despite the pretentious douche bag that taught me about it. This way, hopefully, I'll enjoy what I do. Maybe it will put a smile on my face the way beer usually does. Maybe I'll try to fit engineering in there somewhere but at this point, I'm really not sure. On top of wasting time, I truly regret wasting money and taking gross advantage of my parents. I feel like I've failed them and failed myself. But I'm hoping that will change this year.

My major goal for the year is to figure out what the fuck I'm going to do with this crazy thing called life. Along the way, I hope to develop a stronger work ethic, a passion for what I'm going to do, find an internship, get in shape, do well in school and become more financially responsible. Some of these may seem random and will take time and hard work but if I don't accomplish all of these, I will never succeed. And as I once heard my wise cousin say, "you measure your own success", which I fully intend to do. This is part of the reason I decided to write this in a blog. Maybe if it's in writing, I'll take it more seriously and make the drastic change for the better like I've made empty promises about before. I really hope it's true. Hopefully, Seize life my the balls, carpe diem, a kuna matata!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I raise my glass to everyone bored enough to read this. I'm going to make 2011 my bitch, even if it kills me. WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS. I know this was dramatic and all so next time, I'll try to make my entries more fun like the last ones. Promise :)