Ugh even the title of this post makes me depressed.
I"m sorry Stella is still in the works but I really just need a self-loathing post and here it is. If you don't want to be depressed don't read it. I don't want to bring anyone else down.
I'm having one of those days where I am seriously questioning all the decisions I've made in my life that have led me to this point. I hate feeling like this. I hate constantly thinking to myself "What if?". I regret so many things in my life it's astounding. I think back to my 16 year old self where my path to destruction first took place and I'm disgusted. How was I so stupid and single-minded in thought?
Although I'll never regret meeting the people I now call friends and family, I will always regret the decision I made to get me to this point. I hate myself for it and often imagine different ways life could've turned out. It's sad and pathetic but oh so true. I sincerely wish I could go back in time and change it all. One decision could've made everything different.
Like I said I hate feeling like this. But I know I must stop living in the past and wondering about the "shoulda-woulda-coulda". I have to forge on and live my life and make it better. I'm not sure how but I do know it's going to be a long and painful road. But it needs to be done. Otherwise, life is going to be a lot more difficult when I get older.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Are you there books? It's me, one of your very few loyal followers and users.
Stella Kumar is still in the works so for today, I believe I'm going to rant.
I've loved books ever since I was a kid. I used to devour them. I read everything from the baby-sitters club to Harlequin romance novels stolen from my aunt. I LOVED IT. Much of the time, books were my escape. Every time I would get upset or angry about anything, I would read. It helped me calm down and put life into perspective. It also helped me escape. Flipping through the pages of someone's else's story and getting lost in their world is one of my greatest joys. Unfortunately, with the onset of school, homework and life in general, I haven't read for pleasure in quite a while. I know what you're thinking: this is just an excuse. It's true, there are many times when I chose to watch HIMYM when I just as easily could've picked up a book and read. But I haven't. It does however mean that I will never stop enjoying books.*
*DISCLAIMER: I don't enjoy all books. A good example is a textbook. They cost a lot, weight a lot and in general annoy me. Although some are useful, I can't usually sell them back and if I can sell them back, I get less than a third of what I paid for. LAME.
The onset of this rant comes from finding out that the Borders near my house is closing. It devastated me. I loved going there, browsing for books for hours on end. Fiction, non-fiction, architecture, trashy magazines, etc. were all amazing to me. This wasn't enough, however, to keep the store open. With online book sales and devices such as the Kindle trumping in-store book sales, Borders didn't stand a chance. This makes me oh so sad. I know it's been official for many years now but TECHNOLOGY IS TAKING OVER THE WORLD.
I would be a hypocrite to say I'm completely opposed to technological advances to the world. I use my cell phone as a five in one device, using it as my alarm clock, notepad, calculator, place to check email etc. There are many times I want to find out a fact about something and the first thing that comes to mind: GOOGLE IT. But I draw the line at the Kindle/eReader/Nook/iPad. I HATE THEM. They're making my precious books seem obsolete. I understand the appeal. You can fit 100+ books in one single device for the low low cost of $139 and a month long battery life. I get it. But is reading still personal then? I love curling up in my bed or the couch with a book in my hand, getting lost in the story. I love feeling the weight of the book, the grainy texture of the pages and the smell. Oh the smell. True, some smell like old man feet but those are the old books about boring topics like the triassic period. It's all of these elements that make me get lost in the story and escape into another world, much like in Narnia when they go through the wardrobe.
The dependence on technology these days is astonishing. I still can't believe it's gotten to this level. It is strange it took something like this to realize how much technology has taken over our lives. I belong to Facebook where I can find out almost everything about them on a day to day basis to the point where I'm a pretty big creeper and I'm astonished by e-publishing? Yeah, it's pretty pathetic. I guess it hits people differently.
I always wonder now what level we will get to with the many advances in technology these days. Will the world be taken over by machines one day? Will we become machines one day? What will the world be like when the Chinese twins I adopt will be 18? Will we ever find out exactly how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop? So many questions and unlimited possibilities all thanks to technology. We see the light yet there will always be darkness...
I've loved books ever since I was a kid. I used to devour them. I read everything from the baby-sitters club to Harlequin romance novels stolen from my aunt. I LOVED IT. Much of the time, books were my escape. Every time I would get upset or angry about anything, I would read. It helped me calm down and put life into perspective. It also helped me escape. Flipping through the pages of someone's else's story and getting lost in their world is one of my greatest joys. Unfortunately, with the onset of school, homework and life in general, I haven't read for pleasure in quite a while. I know what you're thinking: this is just an excuse. It's true, there are many times when I chose to watch HIMYM when I just as easily could've picked up a book and read. But I haven't. It does however mean that I will never stop enjoying books.*
*DISCLAIMER: I don't enjoy all books. A good example is a textbook. They cost a lot, weight a lot and in general annoy me. Although some are useful, I can't usually sell them back and if I can sell them back, I get less than a third of what I paid for. LAME.
The onset of this rant comes from finding out that the Borders near my house is closing. It devastated me. I loved going there, browsing for books for hours on end. Fiction, non-fiction, architecture, trashy magazines, etc. were all amazing to me. This wasn't enough, however, to keep the store open. With online book sales and devices such as the Kindle trumping in-store book sales, Borders didn't stand a chance. This makes me oh so sad. I know it's been official for many years now but TECHNOLOGY IS TAKING OVER THE WORLD.
I would be a hypocrite to say I'm completely opposed to technological advances to the world. I use my cell phone as a five in one device, using it as my alarm clock, notepad, calculator, place to check email etc. There are many times I want to find out a fact about something and the first thing that comes to mind: GOOGLE IT. But I draw the line at the Kindle/eReader/Nook/iPad. I HATE THEM. They're making my precious books seem obsolete. I understand the appeal. You can fit 100+ books in one single device for the low low cost of $139 and a month long battery life. I get it. But is reading still personal then? I love curling up in my bed or the couch with a book in my hand, getting lost in the story. I love feeling the weight of the book, the grainy texture of the pages and the smell. Oh the smell. True, some smell like old man feet but those are the old books about boring topics like the triassic period. It's all of these elements that make me get lost in the story and escape into another world, much like in Narnia when they go through the wardrobe.
The dependence on technology these days is astonishing. I still can't believe it's gotten to this level. It is strange it took something like this to realize how much technology has taken over our lives. I belong to Facebook where I can find out almost everything about them on a day to day basis to the point where I'm a pretty big creeper and I'm astonished by e-publishing? Yeah, it's pretty pathetic. I guess it hits people differently.
I always wonder now what level we will get to with the many advances in technology these days. Will the world be taken over by machines one day? Will we become machines one day? What will the world be like when the Chinese twins I adopt will be 18? Will we ever find out exactly how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop? So many questions and unlimited possibilities all thanks to technology. We see the light yet there will always be darkness...
Friday, February 4, 2011
Stella Kumar: A Star is Born
I'm such a failure at this blog but I decided with only 39 minutes left at work I should do something at least semi-productive. So here goes:
I've been working on a story idea for a while now. To everyone reading the 5 or 6 entries I've written, you've come to guess by now that I'm SUPER interesting and what not so I've decided to document my life. But I've decided to do this through a fictional character. Her name is Stella Kumar. She is a south Indian girl living in America for the better part of twenty years. She's weird, awkward and a really big nerd. Stella knows random things about life that doesn't matter and never will matter. She is fascinated by people.
Much like myself, Stella is an ABCD: American Born Confused Desi. She is Indian but doesn't fit right in with Indians. She was born and raised in America but cannot consider herself completely American. Stella is right in the middle. She finds herself apologizing for each culture but can't seem to fully consider herself one or the other. Stella is a coconut: white on the inside and brown on the outside. The story would center around the people and places in Stella's life, along with her incredibly awkward commentary on life's goings on.
Why the name Stella Kumar? Well, I always loved the name Stella. It's beautiful. I first discovered it as a beer, Stella Artois. DELICIOUS. I always wanted to name my dog (IF I ever get a dog - black lab for anyone who's interested) Stella. The last name Kumar is Indian of course. I read on Wikipedia (an amazing source of information by the way) that many Indian actors and actresses use different last names for themselves due to the fact that they're own last names are so long and unpronounceable. Therefore, names like Kumar and Kapoor are easy substitutes. IT WAS PERFECT. It was also how Stella Kumar came to exist. She has the best of both worlds but cannot attach herself completely to one. What's a girl supposed to do? Well, read my upcoming posts to find out...
I've been working on a story idea for a while now. To everyone reading the 5 or 6 entries I've written, you've come to guess by now that I'm SUPER interesting and what not so I've decided to document my life. But I've decided to do this through a fictional character. Her name is Stella Kumar. She is a south Indian girl living in America for the better part of twenty years. She's weird, awkward and a really big nerd. Stella knows random things about life that doesn't matter and never will matter. She is fascinated by people.
Much like myself, Stella is an ABCD: American Born Confused Desi. She is Indian but doesn't fit right in with Indians. She was born and raised in America but cannot consider herself completely American. Stella is right in the middle. She finds herself apologizing for each culture but can't seem to fully consider herself one or the other. Stella is a coconut: white on the inside and brown on the outside. The story would center around the people and places in Stella's life, along with her incredibly awkward commentary on life's goings on.
Why the name Stella Kumar? Well, I always loved the name Stella. It's beautiful. I first discovered it as a beer, Stella Artois. DELICIOUS. I always wanted to name my dog (IF I ever get a dog - black lab for anyone who's interested) Stella. The last name Kumar is Indian of course. I read on Wikipedia (an amazing source of information by the way) that many Indian actors and actresses use different last names for themselves due to the fact that they're own last names are so long and unpronounceable. Therefore, names like Kumar and Kapoor are easy substitutes. IT WAS PERFECT. It was also how Stella Kumar came to exist. She has the best of both worlds but cannot attach herself completely to one. What's a girl supposed to do? Well, read my upcoming posts to find out...
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