Accomplishments of life: My top 10 goals for the future

I realized today by this time next fall, I'll be close to finishing my undergraduate education. Well, closer than I am now. I double majored and It's taking me forever and a day to finish. I'm hoping my suicidal decision will pay off one day. But I digress. Upon my impending graduation, I decided it is time to make myself a list of goals for the future. These are the top ten goals I hope to accomplish in the next 20 years. Check it:

1. Become the first Indian themed Lady Gaga - Lady Gaga is an iconic star known for her fantastical music and I would like to follow in her footsteps. I can launch a song/dance career. I have the ethnicity for it. I feel multi-colored/patterned saris, turbans, jewelry, an assortment of bindis and some bangra are in order. I happened to have an abundance of these things so I think it's possible. I just need some bangra dance lessons which I know my brown peeps will hook me up with. I'm also incredibly ridiculous and weird. WORD
2. Adopt twin Chinese babies when I'm 40 - I've always been told I shouldn't reproduce so this is my noble solution. I will name them Jebidaiah Dunphy and Phil Dunphy (Hyphen Kondur for both names). 
3. Create a master plan for a city - The city, Vibha Heights, will be the epicenter of culture. I will of course reside as mayor and put into place an entirely new system of government, one which allows all you can eat fast food places such as Taco Bell's for all those tired and drunk college students. 
4. Demolish golf courses - Golf is the most pointless "sport" (it should just be activity) and Tiger Woods became too much of a skank for me to even think it's remotely valuable or appealing to anyone. High maintenance rich people bother me to no end.
5. Get married? - If, one day, I find someone who chooses to love, honor and cherish me and all of my ridiculousness in addition to paying my bar tab and cooking for me, then I will give marriage a try. If not, I will own at least 5 dogs much like Robin Scherbatsky on HIMYM. If I get married and divorce appears on the horizon, I hope I'll be living in California when this happens and will not have a pre-nup and will therefore get half if not more of my soon to be ex-husband's money. California is after all a community property state. And they say Real Housewives of OC teaches you nothing. WRONG.
6. NEVER EVER EVER DYE MY HAIR - This one really should speak for itself. There's no way in hell I would look good as a blonde or a redhead. Hell, Rihanna couldn't pull off red hair what the hell would posses me to think I would? NOTHING. Raven haired locks for life. WORD.
7. Convince Ryan Reynolds he made a mistake marrying Scarlett Johanssen - I think this one speaks for itself. Scarlett Johanssen is a blonde whore and I despise her. Ryan Reynolds is meant to be with me. He just doesn't know it yet. 
8. Get my mom hammered. - My mother doesn't like to drink and chooses not to do so because she doesn't want to know what happens if she drinks. She always likes to be in control. My goal: to get her COMPLETELY WASTED. I will proceed to make her a drink and spike it and get her drunk. I will also get the entire scenario on tape. She loves orange juice so I'll make her a screwdriver only she won't know it. DYNOMITE!!
9. Learn to ride a motorcycle. - Again, one that speaks for itself. Motorcycles are BA and in Vibha Heights, they will be the most common form of transportation and because Vibha Heighs will be located in California where it's sunny all year round, you can ride it whenever. It will be a city ordinance. So shall it be written, so shall it be done. 
10. Take over the Trump Organization. - I'm sick of Donald Trump and the bad comb over he calls his hair. I think I could fire people off the Apprentice much more vehemently than he could. 

These are the goals I've set for myself along with a 20 year deadline. Oh the things I will accomplish...

Narcissism: 25 Shades of fantastical glory

Let's face the fact here: I'm awesome. Much like Newton's three laws of motion and the acceleration due to gravity, there is a proven theory to why I'm awesome. You may shake your head and say you know WAY more awesome people than me. WRONG. I am a glorious and fantastical masterpiece and here is why:

25. My hair is as smooth as silk.
24. I am double jointed.
23. I can move my body like a cyclone. What does this mean? I spin around in circles to generate wind so people may move in my glorious wake.
22. My way with words will lull you into a stupor, putting you into a hypnotic state of being.
21. I'm an awesome driver. Driving with me is much equated to going on the Millennium Force or the Magnum at Cedar Point. It's an adventure every time :)
20. I garner my inspirational dancing from two sources: napoleon dynamite and alcohol. They live together in perfect harmony.
19. I am not an only child. I have 30 sisters who I hold near and dear to my heart :)
18. I know how to knit. Scarf for Christmas? Oh fo sho ho :)
17. I am the product of genetic magic due to my parents. With their powers combined, I am Vibha "Awesome" Kondur. Word.
16. After googling myself, I came to find my name is also the name of a manufacturing and export company in India. They deal mostly with Engineering products.
15. After googling further, I came to find my name is also affiliated with a non-profit organization specializing with the health, education and opportunity of underprivileged children. ballin' fo sho.
14. I'm a player. I specialize in Jeopardy, block stacking and Geochallenge via facebook.
13. I watch copious amounts of TV, which therefore makes me an expert on certain TV shows such as Friends, HIMYM and Modern Family.
12. I am forgetful. This is bad you say? OH HELL NO! I can forget all your secrets so that they never see the light of day ever again. Locked up in the vault of Vibha never to be opened again.
11. I HATE CELERY. It should be banned as a vegetable. It's crunchy and gross texture makes me want to vomit.
10. I'm a Harry Potter fanatic. It's magically awesome :)
9. I want to plan. I plan to plan. I master plan. I'm going to be an urban planner. I'll one day build cities so amazingly awesome everyone will want to live there. Vibhaville, Vibhatown, Vibha Heights, Vibha Hills, West Vibha, New Vibha City, Vibha-cago, Vib-Francisco, you name it, I'll build it and you'll live there. Word.
8. I love beer in it's entirety. It truly is proof that God loves us and wants us to be awesome.
7. I'm fashionably late since I'm fashionably awesome.
6. I love me some round numbers. Their luscious curves and slopes fascinate me :)
5. One of the greatest reasons (it's top 5 for a reason) I'm awesome is because I know some incredibly awesome people: friends, family, co-workers and sisters. They helped make me as awesome as I am right now and will continue to increase in awesome exponentially.
4. I"m Sarge. Cross me and I'll come at you like a ninja.
3. I'm of the Asian persuasion that's sweeping the nation.
2. My parents are too cool for school.
1. I am brown.

Here you have it. Reasons why I'm awesome. Take it in as you wish. Play with it. Integrate it. Facilitate it. Beware of it. And remember...BE AWESOME :)

Ben Franklin wisdom: amber colored glasses of beer

Greetings lemmings. So it seems I've already failed miserably with this blog. Already, it has been 3 weeks and 2 days since my last post. And lets remember folks, my last entry was a SMASHING success. Hands down :).

The biggest event to happen in my life in the past 3 weeks and two days is the joyous celebration of my birth many moons ago : the big 2-2!!! I celebrated this obvious momentous occasion of epic proportions like many people do: with copious amounts of alcohol, the drink of life. I'm not a very religious person but much like good ole' Benny Franklin, I too believe God gave us beer because he loves us. He wants to wrap us up in a warm blanket of hops and fermentation to tell us "hey, you're awesome".

Beer is a love of mine. I began a relationship with this cold, hop-filled, fermented wonder when I was just a wee sophomore in college naive into thinking liquor is the ultimate drink of choice. Oh how wrong I was. Now don't be fooled. I do occasionally enjoy a good cranberry and vodka and Trey Songz is right: my doctor needs to prescribe me those instead of Vitamin D. But I digress.

As I was saying, beer and I began our magical journey together my second year in college. I had just joined the wonderful sorority and needed a cheaper way to support my drinking habit. After getting my jollies off vanilla vodka and root beer, I began to get intrigued by the holy grail: BEER. That first can of Budweiser Select grossed me out a little. I nursed that bottle like a mom nursing colic babies. It was awful. Over time however, the taste of it's brewed perfection stirred my soul. It was like being in a cradle of hops and yeast: MAGNIFICENT.

Now, I can't get enough of this deliciousness. I sometimes feel like a meth addict in search of another fix. I've had many a awesome nights with friends, downing one cold one after another. Drunken shenanigans can't be beat. Over time, I've come to enjoy not only an occasional Budweiser Select but also Bud light, Miller Lite, Coors Light, Labatt Blue, Blue Moon and many others. Microbreweries are also among my favorite. Woodward Avenue Brewery, Dragonmead, Cooper Canyon and so much more. Sometimes I feel like I should just live in a keg. That way, all my dreams would come true...(not wanting to live at home and beer). Life is good people. Cherish the moment. Cherish the beer...

I should write commercials...

Splashed white: Purity of beginning with full gusto

Vilkomen and what's happenin' everyone? My name is Vibha and after talking and thinking about starting a blog for some time now, I've finally decided to do it. I must give credit to my wonderful sister Ellen, who got so excited about me writing this blog and already gave me a list of awesome topics. I would also like to extend a big thanks to Janelle, my other sister and COMPLETELY IDENTICAL twin. She writes a fantastic blog which I've read/stalked for some time now and consider it to be my inspiration and outlet for life.

I've always been told to write what I know. Write about your experiences. Hell write about yourself. So here goes:

I've always admired punctual people with their ability to be on time to almost every event of their lives. Whether it be to meetings, class, work, appointments, etc. they are there right on time. I, on the other hand, am late for EVERYTHING! Late for class, work, appointments, meetings, etc. I believe it's quite frustrating, especially for the people around me. If I had to pick one, I'd say I'm most late for work. I'm scheduled to work right at 9AM and instead have developed the habit of coming in anytime between 9:15-9:30. My kind hearted, white haired, Mother Theresa like boss wonders and calls around 9:30 and when I do come in, kindly reminds me to come in on time. So what do I the next time around? Come in at 9:45. At this rate I'm going to be late for my own funeral and according to my religion (even though I'm not religious) I must be cremated. I'm think I'm fucked.

I think the reason I'm always late is the fact that I truly hate my job. I sit here and use Facebook, Gmail, Hulu and youtube to occupy my work day. I'm a copy-machine bitch with an insultingly small desk and mindless tasks to complete. I'm Vibha-tron 2012: meeting your typing tasks since 2007 with no end in sight :(. I need a real job, one where I have to use Facebook when I'm on my lunch break and when my boss isn't looking not one where I need to use it to occupy my time. But I digress.

I believe my lateness began the day I was born. My mother told me she needed to get many ultrasounds when I was a bun baking in her oven because I apparently didn't move around or kick a lot and she, my dad and the doctor were concerned. But they didn't have to fret for long because on that fateful day in November I came out into the world, guns blazing at full speed ahead in all my brown full-head-of-hair glory!!!!!!!!...unannounced, a week early, during a blizzard where they couldn't drive to the hospital in the tiny apartment they lived in. As you can see, good timing was never my strong suit.

While some women consider childbirth magical, my mother considers it one of the most horrifying and embarrassing experiences in her life, still wishing to this day she could've been swallowed up by a hole in the ground. But to her defense, having fireman, police officers and medical professionals watch as she pushed a screaming, crying, pooping (but glorious nonetheless) bundle of joy out of her vagina would make her blush at least a little. At least I can say I never do anything without at least a little bit of flare, pizazz and ridiculousness.

So anyway, I'm late for stuff a lot. I'm working on it. I"m hoping the people I love will still love me besides my lateness.

I dedicate this first entry to Ellen and Janelle, two sources of inspiration for this blog and life. Without their own ridiculousness, I don't know where I would be. What's a bad ass brownie to do without a couple of crackers for support?

 I will get more ridiculousness with time. Please bear with me. This is the firs of many shades of ridiculousness...