woe is me :(

Ugh even the title of this post makes me depressed.

I"m sorry Stella is still in the works  but I really just need a self-loathing post and here it is. If you don't want to be depressed don't read it. I don't want to bring anyone else down.

I'm having one of those days where I am seriously questioning all the decisions I've made in my life that have led me to this point. I hate feeling like this. I hate constantly thinking to myself "What if?". I regret so many things in my life it's astounding. I think back to my 16 year old self where my path to destruction first took place and I'm disgusted. How was I so stupid and single-minded in thought?

Although I'll never regret meeting the people I now call friends and family, I will always regret the decision I made to get me to this point. I hate myself for it and often imagine different ways life could've turned out. It's sad and pathetic but oh so true. I sincerely wish I could go back in time and change it all. One decision could've made everything different.

Like I said I hate feeling like this. But I know I must stop living in the past and wondering about the "shoulda-woulda-coulda". I have to forge on and live my life and make it better. I'm not sure how but I do know it's going to be a long and painful road. But it needs to be done. Otherwise, life is going to be a lot more difficult when I get older.