Oral Surgery = no more wisdom

I got my wisdom teeth taken out over the weekend. Over my last weekend of spring break I braved the oral surgeon (Jewish mind you with a Jew fro that pails in comparison to Jerry Seinfeld. Why are they always Jewish? What is it about Jews and teeth? Too many viewings of Schindler's List? I digress.), got hopped up on anesthesia and let him yank out all four of my wisdom teeth. Now, I have no more wisdom. Why you ask? I shall tell the tale of my stupidity...

Having your wisdom teeth taken out, while painful, does come with perks. You get to be on Vicodin and coast through life which is fucking AWESOME. Although, they didn't give me Vicodin they have me codeine. Codeine did nothing for me last night. I fell asleep of my own accord and I didn't even sleep well. Ugh codeine is just code for lameness. Anyway, I'm on a strict diet of mushy non-solid food which include Jell-o, chocolate & vanilla pudding, ice-cream and mashed potatoes Indian style (my wonderful mother mixed it with gravy and butter...yummm). Even so, you tend to develop a fondness for solid food. I miss sandwiches and bagels with their cream cheese filling. I can only open my mouth just enough to eat the Jello or pudding. Eating like an 80-year-old with dentures gets old quickly. And I mean VERY quickly. Just today my sorority sister was eating Jimmy Johns and I wanted to tackle her like a lion and scarf down the whole gourmet sandwich within two bites. But sadly, I could not. Sad motherfucking panda :(

I miss laughing. There is so much humor around me all the damn time and all I can do is weakly smile like the creepy loser in the corner of a night club who no one asks to dance.

And now ladies and gentlemen we come to wisdom lacking part of the story. During my recovery, I must take antibiotics in order to help with the healing and making sure the stitches don't come undone before they're supposed to dissolve. That makes sense. But what doesn't make sense is my timing: I GOT MY FUCKING WISDOM TEETH OUT ONE MOTHERFUCKING WEEK BEFORE ST. PATRICK'S DAY. St. Patrick's day is on a Thursday this year and I am going to be missing out on the festivities. Why? Cause I'm on fucking meds. DAMN IT!! There's a party right after and all I"m going to be doing is being the DD, which I don't mind cause I"m going to be partying with my sister who's awesome. BUT STILL!!!!

To top it all off, I look like a chipmunk. A LITERAL CHIPMUNK!! I'm brown with puffy cheeks and  black hair and large eyes. All I have to do now is climb up trees and get some fucking nuts. MY LIFE IS SO OVER AT LEAST FOR THE TIME BEING.